I wanted to face the year and really look at my life and decide what I wanted, what I didn't want, who I am and who I want to be. To discover what I want my life to look like and set out to create it without letting fear dictate the choices I made. I'm in the middle of making one of those choices.
I'm selling my house, quitting my job and moving out of state. And the truth is, I'm scared shitless.
I am returning to a place I lived in a couple years ago. I love it there. I have friends there. I'm not scared of where I am going. I am afraid of what I am leaving behind.
This choice means leaving a good job without any promise of a career in Oregon. A job I really don't enjoy, but a job that is secure. As my dad says "a job you can have for the rest of your life." What he doesn't understand is that does not appeal to me at all. I don't want this job for the rest of my life.
It means selling my house. A house that I purchased on my own, that I've put money and time and work into. I love my house. But its not my forever house.
It means leaving the town my parents live in. My sister and her family. My niece and future niece/nephew my sister is carrying right now. My grandfather, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends.
I've given this a lot of thought and I know it is the right decision.
I don't want to hurt my family. I love them. I'm not leaving because I don't love them or I don't want to be around them. And its hard for them to understand that.
The truth is some things happen to you in life and they change you in ways that are so deep you can't explain it. One event can reshape your life and the way you see the world, the way you choose to live from that day on. But that change can be the best thing that ever happens to you.
I'm excited about what lies ahead. I know there are great things to come. But I'm still not quite Fearless!
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